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Ruby Tanyer   The Six Irishmen   The 3 types of WW2 Officers   The Customer Complaint

THE 6 IRISHMEN
From Laura James in New York :
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other 5 continue playing but standing up.

Michael O'Connor looks around and asks: 'Oh, me boys, someone got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet ? I'm the most discreet Irishman you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.

Mrs Murphy answers and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares: 'Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife.

'I'll go tell him,' says Gallagher.
B&C 106

THE 3 TYPES OF WW2 OFFICERS

From Maj Bryan Coward obe BNN:
Regulars : Officers and Gentlemen.
Territorials : Gentlemen.
Emergency : Neither Officers nor Gentlemen.
B&C 106

THE Customer Complaint
From Gary Palmer: An e-mail allegedly received by B&Q customer services:
‘Dear Sir/Madam,
My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on 28 Nov 2004, sail 27 354 miles around the world and return 72 days later.
Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago will be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?
Yours etc,
AA Torrain’
B&C 106

Britannia on a 1962 British pennyRUBY TANYER
'On one side of a penny is the Queen's head.
On the other is a young lady, riding a bicycle, called Ruby Tanyer.'
1960s Schoolboy Howlers Book.
B&C 106

WHERE AN IRISH FAMILY GO ON VACATION?
A different bar.

THE DIFFERENCE ?
Between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

WHY ?
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

ABOUT LIGHT BULBS ?
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

THE FASTEST WAY TO A MAN'S HEART ?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

WHY MEN AND PARKING SPACES ARE ALIKE ?
Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

FINDING MEN ?
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
Because those men already have boy-friends.

MEN SORTING LAUNDRY ?
How do men sort their laundry?
‘Filthy’ and ‘Filthy but Wearable.’

MEN’S BRAINS ?
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

THE DIFFERENCE ?
Between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

MEN CHASING WOMEN ?
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A BRIDE WEARING WHITE ?
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

BIGAMY PUNISHMENT ?
Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
Two mothers-in-law.

All the above are from Lt Col Nick Clapham TD

 



B&C 106

ABOUT

B&C 106

ABOUT

B&C 106

FROM THE 1945 'MECCANO MAGAZINE'
A belle is feminine for a gong.

'Now, let's see if you have this right,' said the Air Raid Precautions Instructor.
'Jones, what should you do if an incendiary bomb comes through the roof?'
'The first thing to bear in mind is that I mustn't lose my head,' replied Jones, glibly.
'I just put it in a bucket and cover it with sand.'

Mrs Nuwed: 'It's a pity you can't finish your dinner. I shall have to give it to the dog.'
Mr Nuwed: 'Yes, it is a pity. He's such a nice dog.'

A Jewish shopkeeper startled his neighbours by installing a gorgeous new blind.
'That must have cost you a lot of money, Aaron,' said Isaac enviously.
'It cost me nothing, Isaac. The customers paid for it.'
'The customers? How did that happen?'
'I just put a box on the counter with a card saying it was for the blind.'
B&C 106 Jun 06
Webmaster comment: They don't get any better with the passing of time!

Editorial Rule
 To qualify for inclusion in the B&C there is only one rule - something described must have been said to have happened. 
The authority is the Editor, British Army Review No 114 Dec 96, `If the facts don`t fit the legend, print the legend’.

However, the rules of good taste, respect and confidentiality are always applied.

Rule Britannia!

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  B&C Norfolk Editor